I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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