know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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