You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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