I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
