He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
