THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
