This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
