Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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