I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
