Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
