Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
