I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Randomize
