Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
