There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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