Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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