At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
