my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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