I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this boner is exhausting
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
