guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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