Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
