can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
