it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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