Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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