I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
