I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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