Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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