Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
