yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I did not marry a roomba.
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