I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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