please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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