I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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