I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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