all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
