he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
