fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
