I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
