Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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