nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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