This girl is more easily done than said...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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