The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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