I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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