I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
