He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
