Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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