so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
