"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
