I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
