I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
