i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I met the friendliest cop last night
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
