It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
