uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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