i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
