i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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