saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
