woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
