Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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