Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
