how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
