if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
