thus making me awesome and them whores
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
