I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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