you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
