did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
