Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
