you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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