What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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