Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
