i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
