Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
