i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
