life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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