So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
