listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
