Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
