this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
