OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
love makes seman taste better
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
